Pierre
Pierre is the infamous French child molester wanted in over 195 countries and banned from Mars if we ever set up a space colony there or something. He is still at large. Early Life Pierre was born Jean-Suisse Pierre Montcyranodebergerac in Paris, France on March 19, 1977 to cousin accountants Popi Pierre and Sylvia Nuncihands Montcyranodebergerac. Pierre was an only child, and though his family was far from wealthy, he grew up very spoiled. Though he was considered a gifted infant, he developed chonic finger pains that later led to arthritis and cerebral palsy. Lifelong treatments kept this in check, with the symptoms only occasionally making themselves apparent in his behavior. Criminal Career Pierre started raping young boys at the age of 3 months old. His Nana at the time discovered him in the neighbor's yard where he had cornered six-year-old Jaques Miro and was screeching and clawing at his genitals. According to several accounts, after Pierre's Nana had picked him up he regained his composure and twirled an imagined mustache and uttered his first word: "Yeeeesssss." It is unknown whether or not the Montcyranodebergerac's spoke any English at home, but it is considered odd that his first words should be English since his Nana did not know any and it is generally accepted that this should have been an early warning of what was to come. Also perplexing was the then-imagined mustache twirling. Some experts believe this is a clue to the involvement of the occult: perhaps the omniscient witch-gaze of Ichabod Maccabeus or the ubiquitous green touch of the Old Man. But there are no clear answers. Following completion of the lycée général ''in which Pierre was accused of and admitted to countless illegal and aggressive sexual acts including rape, Pierre entered the ''École normale supérieure in pursuit of a doctorate in sexoplasmography, a made-up science which studies the transference of sexual fluids. He was expelled after one week, however, after luring nineteen boys into his room by skipping and playing the pan pipe with the intent to rape them one by one. He was stopped and arrested by authorities. The police nationale controversially let him go, however, after being "so insanely creeped out, we just couldn't take it" (trans. Fesette, 2011). They said that Pierre spoke in English constantly, repeating the word "Yes" over and over and saying things like "You little boy...you want to suck my dick...yes...you little gay boy...yes..." and twitching and writhing uncontrollably (Fesette, ibid). Current Whereabouts Pierre has been officially declared a public enemy in 195 of the 196 countries in the world, and is wanted by authorities everywhere. France, in a paradoxical twist, has declared they will take him back with open arms if he will just leave the rest of the world alone. He can be recognized by his disgusting mustache and his trademark twitch and spider fingers, along with his distinctive voice and accent, which does not sound French at all. He does not hesitate to sexually harass or rape any boy who he comes into contact with.